as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
