I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
that's an acceptable place to lick
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
