Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
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