a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
