just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
That reminds me...we need to get swords
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
