Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
