why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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