4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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