I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
