I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
