ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i think my mom watched the whole time
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
