the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
The funny part was that the cop pulled us over cause the park was closed, not because I had just come up from giving the guy a blowjob when the cop drove by.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Randomize
