all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
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