Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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