I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Randomize
