I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Contrary to popular belief alot of woman do actually enjoy sucking cock.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
she gave me head while i watched the '98 Rose Bowl on espn classic. Ryan Leaf really was a huge bust
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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