Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
