oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
Randomize
