We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
