shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
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