im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
