I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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