Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
Randomize
