I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
