i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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