Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize