I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
