i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Randomize
