Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize