Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
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