Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
wow bdsm is so cute
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
