I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
