Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
