if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I just caught myself watching and Irish step dance documentary in my underwear drinking nyquil through a straw at 2 in the afternoon. today's off to a good start.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
Randomize
