Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
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