Just cropdusted the office
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
