I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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