i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
Just took my morning after pill in the library
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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