If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
Just saw two girls doing a walk of shame together. Slut bonding at it's best.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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