we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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