i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Two ladies just showed up with my fucking purse. It was in the fucking street. I'm a train wreck. As a financial advisor, this shouldn't happen. I should be an adult.
I have bruises all over my body. Seriously, I'm a train wreck. I'm too damn old for hangovers like this.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Randomize
