I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
Randomize
