I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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