OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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