OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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