just scratched off #34 on my list of things to do before age 30 - drunk in a helicopter.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize