I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
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