I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
The douche that always wears spandex at the gym just walked into class with a dick going into his mouth drawn on his face. The professor said "rough night" and he still has no idea. Tyring to get a pic
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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