My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Randomize
