I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
wanna go with us to feed the ducks bread soaked in vodka?
how could i say no?
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
