On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
