Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize