I wannas sexs uuuuu
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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