does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
