After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Randomize
