Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
