omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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