Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
