Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Randomize
