That's intense
Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
