I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
