thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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