one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I can't put those talents on a resume
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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