You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
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