My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize